There is a story that I might want to tell, thinking that the world could learn from my mistakes. But then I asked myself: what did I learn from the books I’ve read? In fact, despite the feelings that I should avoid certain things that could make me lose myself and fail my life, I’ve only managed to make them reality with eyes wide open and a soul that died every second I couldn’t switch the direction and stop myself from ruining everything. I’ve instinctively learned the patterns of so many ways in which one can fail and then these led me to seek them everywhere, creating them and making them true stories. Instead of learning from all those mistakes, I chase that vivid feeling a tragedy offers all my youth, being addicted to sadness and suffering unconsciously; because my soul and my brain did not know about the other side of the coin. I had not seen a happy person or read a true happy story that could plant hope for the future in my being.
Oh wait, that is not true. I did hope that I could build it, I could find it somewhere despite the fact that I have not seen it happening anywhere around. I did had a strong feeling that life can be different than a constant tiredness, sadness and unbearable sacrifices that lead to nothingness. I was certain that one day I will live what I felt, even though I could not describe what it was. I was somewhat happy and light and had this kind of force or something with me that made everything I wanted to happen. I had beauty around found in the wonders of nature, the sounds of the piano and symphonies, the paintings and the geatest stories ever written. I had hope in my soul that all these sad stories will not happen to me and I will make it right. And I will be strong and righteous and show the world that there is hope and light.Therefore, I only had my faith in a happy and a better life, built on a gut feeling that had no sustainability and foundation in the real life. It was a hunch that I followed and belived to be true, even though it seemed no one else believed in it. I ran from the cruel and harsh life in books, waiting for the day when I will make a dream come true.
It really does not add up, does it? Bipolarity is not an easy thing to bear. And what was more fascinating to discover during my life so far was to see that how each trigger will lead you to totally opposed beliefs, feelings, ideas and choices, making you totally blind to the other path and depriving you of all that it holds. How one can take you to the bottom of the hell and one can raise you to the divine.
Take these mixed, confused and unclear ideas loaded with feelings of tragedy and fear, put them into a fresh and innocent mind and combine them with a passionate, stubborn and strong-willed, but on her own, young girl and you can only obtain a single and obvious result. Because where there is a will, there is also the power and force to create anything you are at the roots of your beeing and anything you can imagine and dream of.
My strongest desire now is to stop sending out in the world only tragic emotional patterns that would lead more fresh and innocent minds to assimilate them and reproduce them like I did, without giving them a way out, a solution to fight for and encouragement to do so, in this apparently cruel and harsh existence. Whether we want it or not, whether we are aware of it or not, our soul will seek to find the emotions that impressed us the most and our brain will find the path to create the circumstances and conditions of these tragedies and if not offered an alternative, those who will not avoid them or who do not learn about the beauty and hope that can be found in life too, will remain stuck in sadness and despair, running in vicious circles and screaming for help.
We do not need anymore sad stories with sad endings. We need to fill the world with love, with hope and beauty and we need to show everyone that there is a sense in this journey called life and that there is a way through which you can find your place. We need to teach those who follow us where to look and what to do. Because most of us are lost and scared, depressed and hopeless. And ultimately, dead inside.
So, I will tell you a story. A story of mistakes and pains, a road that reveleas parts of the absolute truth and open one’s eyes to see what really life is about and what one should fight for. A story that is an antiexample and talks about the struggle against being swallowed by despair and darkness and about a stubborn seek for peace, fulfillment, love, passion and happiness.